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https://thoughtsandquestions108.blogspot.com - I’ve never seen a single Love Island episode in my whole life, and I’ve seen so little of both I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here and The X Factor that it’s entirely unsurprising that I’ve never seen Caroline Flack on TV before. That is, until she took her own life the day after Valentine’s Day, at the age of just forty.I’m sure just like all of you reading this – those who knew of her and equally those who didn’t – Caroline Flack’s suicide has left me feeling extremely sad and disappointed. It is utterly tragic that someone, who seemingly had a great career, was always a happy and energetic person to be around, was someone so many people looked up to as a relatable person presenting the shows they loved – seemingly, all of those things – could take their own life. It has left most of us shocked to the core, because we think we more or less know the reasons why. Although, the truth is, none of us do, not really. And this is part of the problem we have.As we do know, Flack was going through a legal battle regarding her alleged assault on her partner at the time, Lewis Burton. It was a prosecution, incidentally, that Burton did not wish to support. The trial was planned to carry on, however, being dubbed by many as a ‘show trial,’ perhaps a purposeful attempt by the courts to demonstrate and validate the seriousness of domestic abuse, especially that against men by women. Since so many of us these days are on the moral high-ground of political correctness with so many subjects, it was perhaps only a matter of time that an example was going to be made out of someone to highlight the issue of domestic abuse against men. Caroline Flack was perhaps a good scapegoat to use for this.But what has Caroline Flack really flagged up here?Social media is many things, good and bad, and is probably more responsible than anything else in the world for creating a bigger space for people to have the freedom to speak their minds about things. On the whole, it’s helped us become a more opinionated society. So there’s really no wonder why so many people are on the moral high-ground with all sorts of stuff these days, namely domestic abuse. Which, generally, has to be a good thing. It’s just how aggressive and, ultimately, overly-objective people can become regarding what should be sensitive issues. This freedom given to social media users around the world can be frightening. Some users are obviously irresponsible with this freedom, and cruel. Caroline Flack endured relentless abuse on social media since the start of her legal dispute (12th December 2019) all the way up until her death. She apparently also received numerous death threats. Lewis Burton commented in the press recently: “Yes Caroline had problems. Why wouldn’t she. You made her out to be a monster. A complete witch hunt. Every f***ing week. You f***ing broke her. I won’t let you break me no matter what.”            There is currently a petition for ‘Caroline’s Law’ to be passed, which, at the point of writing this, has already received over 600,000 signatures. When a petition receives 100,000 signatures or more, it then becomes considered for debate in Parliament. Hopefully with over 600,000 signatures already over the course of three days, we’ll get more than a mere consideration for a debate in due course. ‘Caroline’s Law’ will prospectively seek to have social media platforms make it illegal to abuse people online and make it a requirement for people creating social media accounts to provide an ID to prove who they are and their age. Whilst I’m interested what exactly would constitute ‘abuse’ in this context, it would definitely be a big step in the right direction.Flack was significantly involved with all of the reality TV shows mentioned in my intro, shows which, these days, are not really my thing. I’m much more of a drama series kinda guy when it comes to TV. But during my younger days I did consider myself a fan of Big Brother, and you could say I was even a bit obsessed with the show during some of the earlier seasons. Why, though? Somehow, Big Brother was great fun to watch. Now, after recent events, I’ve come to question why. I think I enjoyed watching it because there was always the hope of a juicy argument, a sleazy love affair, or someone having a vase thrown at their head by a fellow housemate. It was the sheer drama of it all. Shame on me I guess. But I never voted for anyone’s departure and thus didn’t really take part in the whole competition aspect of it all. And the more I think about why many people did vote contestants out of the show, and get attached to it in that way, the more the concept of ‘social affirmation’ comes into my head. Because that’s precisely what these shows are about, aren’t they? Well, Big Brother and Love Island, certainly. The X Factor is geared somewhat toward singing talent too (as well as, let’s face it, superficial aspects of the performer’s personality to qualify them having the ‘X factor’). They are all shows which both invite and encourage us to judge another human being on superficial terms. Their looks, their style, their likability. Yet, we actually know almost nothing about them. We only know them and judge them based on their mediated image.So, I see it as a kind of depressing irony that Flack was heavily involved with these kinds of shows. Flack, better than anyone, would have known how quickly people are judged, dismissed and then hated, at the flip of a coin. And she was certainly judged based on these domestic abuse allegations, judged hard. Flack often spoke about her mental health struggles in interviews and via her social media. For those of you who haven’t seen the post already, this is what she posted on her Instagram page just two months before she was charged with assault:“I wanted to write something about mental health day last week but I was knee deep in work. And some days it’s hard to write your feelings if you’re not in the right place. The last few weeks I’ve been in a really weird place... I find it hard to talk about it... I guess it’s anxiety and pressure of life... and when I actually reached out to someone they said I was draining. I feel like this is why some people keep their emotions to themselves. I certainly hate talking about my feelings. And being a burden is my biggest fear... I’m lucky to be able to pick myself up when things feel s**t. But what happens if someone can’t? Be nice to people. You never know what’s going on. Ever.”She was so right, wasn’t she? Never before has it been so important to talk about your emotions and mental health to others. We have a better understanding today why boys grow as men having been told to keep their feelings to themselves and deal with them alone, but if women are still struggling to discuss their issues with each other the situation must be even worse than we thought, right? If someone tells you you’re draining because you’re talking about your mental health, shame on them and try someone else. It should never be draining to listen to someone talk about their mental health. Talking to loved ones is the best thing any of us can do regarding our mental health. Just having someone listening to you can make the world of difference, and you don’t need to be a professional to just listen to someone if they want to get things off their chest. It’s my belief that mental health is a subject that’s still not fully understood by most people, still not fully integrated into the mainstream conversation, and remains somewhat of a taboo, despite the fact it’s definitely an area which is being cracked open wider and wider day by day. Talking about mental health, in person, face to face, is what we should all be doing, especially when life gets particularly difficult.On the other hand, seeking social affirmation and popularity via our digital social media profiles – where will that get you? Certainly nowhere meaningful. It’s all a big superficial, inaccurate, unreliable, dishonest arena in which to present yourself to others. A snapshot of the bigger picture, and the snapshot is even sometimes outright doctored. I’m on Facebook, but I only really use it these days to post my blogs and celebrate the relationship I have with my girlfriend, Laura, just because she makes me happy and I want to show off that fact. But attaining social affirmation is not at all the goal. I can honestly say that I do not care about likes or comments on any of my Facebook posts, including my blogs. It’s not something that’s important to me. The majority of my proper friends aren’t even on Facebook, and neither are any of my family members, and I’m fine with that. I write and post my blogs because I’m passionate about the written word and the subject I’m writing on, and I want to share my interests and passions with as many people as possible. They also serve a purpose in my professional life. I know my blogs via Facebook get read, and by a lot of people, because I can privately see the view count, and that’s completely enough for me.From time to time, I struggle with my self-esteem levels, and I have no shame in admitting it. My family and friends, and girlfriend particularly, are always there to listen to me, as I am them too. We’re comfortable telling each other absolutely anything that’s on our minds, and that’s a beautiful thing. Whenever I’m having a low period, I talk it through with my loved ones, and they always help me through it. I’ve done the same for them, and we’ll continue doing it for each other, as that’s what love and support is all about.So, please, let’s talk about it, and let’s be kinder. Let 2020 be the first year of perfectly clear vision on the subject of mental health.Rest in peace, Caroline Flack. I am sure you will live on in our minds as well as our hearts.Flack's unposted Instagram post, written just weeks before her suicide:“Within 24 hours my whole world and future was swept from under my feet and all the walls that I had taken so long to build around me, collapsed. I am suddenly on a different kind of stage and everyone is watching it happen. I have always taken responsibility for what happened that night. Even on the night. But the truth is... it was an accident. The reason I am talking today is because my family can’t take any more. I’ve lost my job. My home. My ability to speak. And the truth has been taken out of my hands and used as entertainment. I can’t spend every day hidden away being told not to say or speak to anyone. For a lot of people, being arrested for common assault is an extreme way to have some sort of spiritual awakening but for me it’s become the normal. I’ve been pressing the snooze button on many stresses in my life – for my whole life. I’ve accepted shame and toxic opinions on my life for over 10 years and yet told myself it’s all part of my job. No complaining. The problem with brushing things under the carpet is... they are still there and one day someone is going to lift that carpet up and all you are going to feel is shame and embarrassment. I’m so sorry to my family for what I have brought upon them and for what my friends have had to go through. I’m not thinking about ‘how I’m going to get my career back’. I’m thinking about how I’m going to get mine and my family’s life back.”