New Humor

Daily Journal: October 9, 1999

Posted By clifhaley 4 days ago on Humor

https://api.follow.it - God I hate Ryan! The first thing I’m going to do when the band makes it big is kill him. I’m sooooo sick of the way he looks at me and transmits via telepathic rays “You’re just a big ol’ baby! Baby wanna go poo, poo? Baby wanna ride the magic Wheelbarrow of Happiness to The Land of Happy Happy Bouncy Shiny Things? Baby wanna DIE!” He acts like he’s not doing it, but I know he is. I mean, when I see him he’s all “Hey dude, what’s up?” but his eyes are saying “Hey you big fat baby, where’s your big fat pacifier, dumbhead?!” I don’t know…maybe it’s just me.
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Daily Journal: February 2, 2000

Posted By clifhaley 5 days ago on Humor

https://api.follow.it - I checked out this great band last night called WarehouseLarry. They sounded like a rocket powered freight train full of Black Sabbath crashing into a nuclear power plant at the speed of light. Awesome show. If I ever start another band I’m going to call it WarehouseHarry, and we’re going to play songs that sound exactly like WarehouseLarry’s but have different words that say pretty much the same thing. for instance: WarehouseLARRY has a song called “I Love You Baby” but WarehouseHARRY will have a song called “You Know, I Really Like You a Lot, I Mean, No, Really I Do, It’s Just That I’m in a Really Weird Place Right Now (Hey, Where You Going?)” I think that would be cool. Something else I think would be cool are shoes that look like feet. Or maybe just tiny, individual shoes for each toe. Damn, those are both pretty cool.
The post Daily Journal: February 2, 2000 appeared first on Clif Haley.

Daily Journal: March 25, 2001

Posted By clifhaley 6 days ago on Humor

https://api.follow.it - I met this great girl at the strip club the other night. She’s just like mom except for the stripping and the cocaine and bi-sexuality and the piercings and the mustache and the “big time debt” from the “operation” that she won’t tell me about. she gave me her phone number for ten bucks (what a flirt!), but I must have written it down wrong, because every time I call it I get Fong Wu’s Chinese Bistro. We really hit it off, though. She sat on my lap and asked me what my hobbies were and (get ready for this!) she ALSO likes building ships in bottles and covering them with rare, misprinted stamps from countries that no longer exist! I mean, what are the odds of that?! I bought her a ring today. Nothing fancy, just a two karat diamond set in a platinum band. Guess that whole “higher education” thing is going to have to wait a little bit! Ah, love. It’s a wonderful thing.
The post Daily Journal: March 25, 2001 appeared first on Clif Haley.

Daily Journal: April 15, 2000

Posted By clifhaley 9 days ago on Humor

https://api.follow.it - Well, it’s official: I like corn. It’s taken me years to do it, but I can honestly say now that I like corn. Corn on the cob. Creamed corn. Whole kernel corn. I don’t know why I didn’t like corn for so long. It’s sort of sad, really. All those years I’ve missed enjoying corn. I’ll never get those years back. And to think there are people out there, lost people, who STILL don’t like corn! Maybe I’ll rent a corn shaped suit and hand out pamphlets praising the glory of corn tomorrow. Nah, I think I’ll just sit home, watch some TV, and partake in a little bit of corn eatin’!
The post Daily Journal: April 15, 2000 appeared first on Clif Haley.

Daily Journal: October 9, 2005

Posted By clifhaley 57 days ago on Humor

https://www.clifhaley.me - God I hate Ryan! The first thing I’m going to do when the band makes it big is kill him. I’m sooooo sick of the way he looks at me and transmits via telepathic rays “You’re just a big ol’ baby! Baby wanna go poo, poo? Baby wanna ride the magic Wheelbarrow of Happiness to […]
The post Daily Journal: October 9, 2005 appeared first on Clif Haley.

Daily Journal: February 2, 2012

Posted By clifhaley 58 days ago on Humor

https://www.clifhaley.me - 12I checked out this great band last night called WarehouseLarry. They sounded like a rocket powered freight train full of Black Sabbath crashing into a nuclear power plant at the speed of light. Awesome show. If I ever start another band I’m going to call it WarehouseHarry, and we’re going to play songs that sound […]
The post Daily Journal: February 2, 2012 appeared first on Clif Haley.

Daily Journal: March 25, 2014

Posted By clifhaley 58 days ago on Humor

https://www.clifhaley.me - I met this great girl at the strip club the other night. She’s just like mom except for the stripping and the cocaine and bi-sexuality and the piercings and the mustache and the “big time debt” from the “operation” that she won’t tell me about. she gave me her phone number for ten bucks (what […]
The post Daily Journal: March 25, 2014 appeared first on Clif Haley.

Daily Journal: April 15, 2018

Posted By clifhaley 59 days ago on Humor

https://www.clifhaley.me - Well, it’s official: I like corn. It’s taken me years to do it, but I can honestly say now that I like corn. Corn on the cob. Creamed corn. Whole kernel corn. I don’t know why I didn’t like corn for so long. It’s sort of sad, really. All those years I’ve missed enjoying corn. […]
The post Daily Journal: April 15, 2018 appeared first on Clif Haley.